Unsolicited Advice

Carolyn: I know that look well. Lemme guess, girlfriend trouble?

Ethan: That obvious?

Carolyn: I been waiting tables long enough to know the longings of the heart when I see it. What happened?

Ethan: Oh I don’t wanna waste your time. You got customers.

Carolyn: Please. Carolyn takes a seat across from Ethan. He’s taken aback.

Carolyn: You’re a customer. I got time.

(reluctantly)

Ethan: Okay... So I been with my girl for like 3 years now. And things are good, but we’re seniors now. School’s almost out. I’m going to college in Massachusetts and she got in too, but she just found out -

Carolyn: She got into another school she wants to go to more, except it’s miles away from yours?

Ethan: It’s in Cali.

(MORE)

Carolyn: Yup, yup, just like Carl. Carl, my ex, got stationed in San Diego, left me back East. Said it would just be a few months. I pay him a surprise visit and what do I find?

Carolyn: 2. He’s in bed with a girl named Suzie Sue with piercings and a tramp stamp! Ethan looks around uncomfortably. That was loud. Carolyn starts crying.

Ethan: Um... miss. Are you okay?

Carolyn: Me? I’m fine. 3 years a therapy and and lots of booze later. I’m great. But you? Sounds like you got yourself a Suzie Sue situation. Want my advice?

Ethan: Um, not really...

Carolyn: The hell with em! Hell with Carl, the hell with Suzie Sue, and the hell with your...

Ethan: Beth.

Carolyn: The hell with Beth! Anything else?

Ethan: Um... can I have a check please?