Roomies

Jim: And this is it.

(unimpressed)

Anthony: This is what?

Jim: Your place. Your palace. Your home sweet home for the next, well... no telling how long yet, right? Jim smiles and pats Anthony on the back. Anthony looks at the small, open futon on the floor with a poor excuse for bedsheets and a pillow. Anthony gives Jim a look.

Anthony: Oh, hell no.

Jim: I know it’s not what your used to -

Anthony: Not what I’m used to? That’s not a bed! It’s barely a couch. I’m 6 feet tall, that thing won’t even fit half my body. And where’s the bathroom? Is there one?

Jim: Powder room.

Anthony: What about a shower?

Jim: We share the shower.

Anthony: That is a - poor choice of words.

Jim: You’re 6 feet tall? No kiddin.

Anthony: That’s what you got from all that?

(laughs)

Jim: Actually when you lay on it sideways, well, kinda diagonal, it’s really quite comfortable. This one New Year’s Eve, a few years back, your dad was there, I got so - well, I had too much to drink. Anyway, I must’ve somehow found my way into this little room. Because the next morning when I woke up, I found myself on that very futon in that kinda diagonal position. That’s how I know you can fit. But man, I slept like a rock. Course I had a stiff neck and back for a couple weeks, but that was probably more to do with me hitting the bar a little hard, you know what I mean? Jim laughs to Anthony.

Anthony: Yeah I know what you mean. You had to be fall-down drunk just to sleep on this poor excuse for a boxspring and you expect me to sleep on it for weeks at a time. And I have a choice to either bathe in the powder room or share the shower with you. That about right?

Jim: Well, now that’s not fair. I wouldn’t say I was fall-down drunk.

Anthony: Really?!

Jim: Okay kid, I know. I don’t have the best living arrangements. I never made it big like your dad. These are COVID times. We do the best we can, right? Now your dad has done more for me than anyone. I told him that I had your back no matter what and I’m gonna keep that promise.

Jim: 3. You know what, we’ll switch, you’ll have my room and I’ll take this futon. Worked for me one night already, right?

Anthony: No, no... I do appreciate it. That’s cool of you to offer, but I’ll take room. It’s got TV, so I’m cool.

Jim: Actually - the TV doesn’t work.

Anthony: Okay... okay, well as long as we got internet, I’m cool.

(clears his throat)

Jim: Um -

Anthony: You don’t have Internet either?

Jim: It was gettin so expensive. Can you believe what these companies charge these days?

Anthony: Oh my God, man! Do you even live in the 21st century. What the hell are we gonna do all this time?

Jim: I’m glad you asked. Jim pulls out a deck of cards.

Jim: Now I know some pretty amazing -

Anthony: Stop - Anthony pushes the cards away and walks away.